Congratulations to our winners, epilogue and Chapsticky! Kingfox will email you soon with details of your prizes.
The winning posts were: Kids crying over loot
and Guild drama.
As a side issue, we’ve got plenty to drama to come, thanks to the people sending it in, I’ve just been too lazy to format it. Stay tuned!
Because Kingfox is lazy, evil and wishes me ill, I have taken it upon myself to collate votes for the drama contest we had a while back, so as to distribute these gamecards burning a hole in our pockets:
The three posts we received are:
3. Guild drama.
Please send an email with either 1, 2 or 3 in the header of the email to email@example.com to vote for your favorite.
EDIT: Voting finishes midnight EST, Friday May 18, or whenever I decide to cut you off, whichever comes first.
So, someone asks a mostly innocuous question about that gatherer of many world firsts, Nihilum:
“Are Nihilum Human?
The best Naxx guilds on my server can’t even get attuned to SSC or TK and these guys have down Vashj ages ago and are upto Kael.
Skillz or hax?”
Leena offers a suggestion:
“nihilium is actually composed of a robots.
they build cars during their day job”
Merda takes this suggestion and runs way, way too far with it:
Well they not robots, they are Europeans. So considering most European countries have a lot of entitlements people can get away with playing WoW for 18 hours a day and don’t have to worry about putting food on there table or a roof over there head.
While us hard working Americans have to work to make our way in life, and carry the rest of the world problems on our shoulders. But I guess that is a discussion for another forum.”
The almost inevitable comments ensue, and it turns out that it is, in fact, not a discussion for any forum other than this one:
“Yes go get killed to another country so europeans can play more wow, it all makes sense now!”
Merda continues unabated:
“Look at more modern events, like the Bosnia conflict. The European nations could not even take care of a problem in there own back yard. We had to come in and take the lead and carry the burden of the load.
And this is the trend that continues, there are things in this world that seek to force there will upon us. And while the EU seeks to shrink military budgets by leaps and bonds every year and increase the entailments to there people. But when things to go wrong in the world they turn to the USA to spill our blood and spend our money to fix the problem.
And if people think that we can just talk to people to solve all the problems this will come up in the future, they are living in a dream world.
A lot of the European countries would love to have a economy like ours, but they are not will to pay the price to get it, and part of that price is to fight to protect our interests.
Believe me if you where to wake up tomorrow and the USA where gone the world would be a lot darker place.”
The rest of the thread devolves into an Iraq War/Global politics slanging match just how we like it, and is summed up nicely by Apathy:
“Things to take from this thread:
1. Nihilum is on the USAID payroll. This explains without a shadow of a doubt why they dominate the World of Warcraft raiding scene.
2. Radical Islam is knocking on Nihilums door to convert them and possibly kill them.
3. Nihilum’s rise to domination of the raid scene began with the entitlement programs set in place by notable historical figures such as Churchill. It is largely rumored he plays a NE hunter in Method.
4. Merda is a retard.
The europeans are also very pleased at the attention they’re getting:
“Oh, great. Someone actually knows Europe isn’t a country. He says that the world would want an economy like theirs, I just look at their educational system. I seriously got asked the question, in America, by an American, who was speaking English, if, get this, I spoke English… I will hold back my cynicism about America when more than 50% of their population can point out Holland on an atlas.”
“Lol priceless indeed. America’s excuse for not dominating the World of Warcraft is they have to dominate the real world. For all our best interests of course.
I feel sorry for all the smart/educated Americans who are being humiliated by their stereotype countrymen once again!
The really sad thing is of course that they feel that performance in a computer game is a matter of national pride. We should invite them to participate in the Eurovision song festival, see how they cope with the humiliations involved in that! ”
Kerensky, a human mage from Archimonde, meets a woman through WoW. A real life female, for reals.
Some might call me a fool, some might call me a sucker. I may be a hopeless romantic looking for love in all the wrong places, some may say I no idea what that word really means. What I do know is I did something, I took a risk and grabbed it by the horns.
What follows is a long story of how things don’t quite work out for him the way he hoped for. In case it gets deleted, the full text will be reproduced at the end of this article. Entertaining moments include his measurement of time (how long he’s known the woman, length of their trip together) completely within WoW terms. Just as entertaining, if not more so, is the outpouring of support, mockery, and advice from the WoW community’s cadre of elite relationship experts.
“hopeless romantic” …??? i hope this experience has taught you to start acting like a man!!! unless you are a girl, then this story was HOT”
“dude, you got used. end of story.
don’t be bitter about it though, it’s just in their nature. just please don’t get suckered again by another sob story.”
Thanks to an anonymous contributor:
Members of Volition, a guild on Bleeding Hollow (that transferred from The Forgotten Coast) got some nifty karma after constantly claiming they would be the #1 guild on the server and that everyone else would be in awe of them….
This thread that was here (sadly deleted) set it up:
Well ladies and gentelmen, last night, Volition members Johnnluc and Doanald (AKA THEDONNY, Track # 7, Paper trail records) found themselves with their pants down, literally. for some time, i pretended to be a girl amongst the Volition ranks as a 70 mage. in the process of my joining the guild, Doanald revealed secrets that should never even be spoken over the internet, and Johnnluc was recorded/ screenshotted saying he wishes to get me intoxicated to do sexual acts to me, and MUCH MUCH MORE from both members of volition. while the footage and recordings are being put together since there is over 150 SS and an hour of vent recordings, i thought i would go ahead and let everyone in on why alliance trade/nagrand general was spammed, and IRC invaded. while i did alot of the work, many other people were involved in the process, you will all be thanked in the big post with all the footage. The main post should be ready in a few days, i hope you enjoy it.
So for those who dont know, i pretended to be a girl in the guild “volition”. i recieved an epic my first day in the guild in kara, got a free 2v2 team paid for by the well known, Doanald, and he also gave me consumables for raids. Johnluc, who didnt even seem like that bad of a guy, just got horney and talked to the wrong character at the wrong time. Johnluc told me he was good with his tongue and wanted to have repeated sexual acts with me over ventrilo and ingame chat. John found out while he was cyberingwith me that i was a girl when i yelled, “can i bust my $%$ in your eye!” It sucks i had to rush this post out, but it worked out all the same. Thanks go out to Smogen, for hooking me up in the first place. also i would like to thank Bodynok, Spuure, Teez, stylux, Lotho, Xaen, and all the guys who knew and were in on it. i hope you enjoy this and thanks most of all to Doanald (AKA paper trail/fail records, track #7, thedonny) and Johnnluc for making all this possible.
Written quotes: “BuT i have worked and co-produced for snoopdog and franchise boys last cd”
Voice quotes: “I’ll give you my address and you can fuck my gun.”
“Why are you so pussy?”
Bravado much, methinks?
Written quote: “i guess i’d have to find out get you drunk so you’d let me cum in your mouth too”
Voice quote: “Come on really, can we just grow up?”
We eagerly await the full compliment of screenshots.
Mexico City, Mexico-(MH)-Mexican World of Warcraft player Bronco Carson reported to local police on Saturday that 3 men broke into his home and beat his arms with clubs and smashed his computer. It was supposedly in retaliation for Carson stalking and repeatedly killing one of the attackers wife’s character during computer video game play.
Carson admitted to police that he had been “making it hard for her to get far in the game.” He said that after repeated online threats from the woman, she sent her husband and friends over to his house to “take care of him.” Carson later said that he had made the mistake of telling her where he lived and “if her husband was man enough to just come meet me to settle this.”
In the usual way, the keyboard warriors emerge:
“That f*ck deserved every beating he got. Stalking, provocation, insults etc. had he been doing that IRL he had a bullet in his head.
Don’t start something you can’t finish!”
Btw, the ones who doesn’t like the IRL violence part – note that that wanker actually asked to get f*cked up, left out his address and all.”
But this begs the question: When is drama not really drama?
And the answer? When it’s completely fabricated.
The story caused a stir initially, until WoW Insider flags it as being likely to be fake, and some deductive logic is used. We must all be vigilant in our quest for the LOLz! That being said, I vote for Griftah to be renamed “Bronco Carson.”
Of course, EM drama couldn’t possibly be contained in the mere confines of the comments of one of our posts. No, she went and claimed she was being oppressed, by both players and GMs, and threatened to sue Blizzard. While the original forum thread has been deleted, we have a text copy here.
“I would like to bring to your attention the horrendous crime one of your employees have committed against Elitemaiden, a faithful World of Warcraft player (who played the game since the game began), causing her to quit the game in UNDUE time. (Especially when I am already in a GREAT guild full of GREAT people). Now that guild is forced into having no mage and may possibly not do as well as intended. I did not waste MY TIME trolling ANYONE. I have already been revered and heroic keyed for many instances.
Forum Moderater Corelei is responsible for encouraging the vicious slandering of my good name in the game on the forums both in Hyjal and in Drenden. He is the very reason why people feel empowered to troll me.”
“Many jealous people came out of the woodworks to troll that thread. After that first initial trolling post, Blizzard did NOTHING to stop the trolling. It seemed as though every person who FAILED in the game tried to pin their ownfailure upon my head even though I did not know them, did not ever play with them nor interacted with them. They were jealous and envious of my noble and fun gaming including romances and the Grand Marshal Barbarconan forever kneeling at my feet every single day at Ironforge…”
“Hyjal I found to be a server that was OPPRESSED by the big guilds. It was shocking to me that people were so undergeared. The rich were filthy rich and the poor were in RAGS. Nobody cared about helping with anything. Most of them had not even seen MC yet. And it was already NAXX era.”
“DO YOU SEE A TROLLING TREND HERE?
The trolls were spreading LIES. Literally making up LIES out of thin air. And nobody was there to keep them from LYING and continuing to cuase trouble for me.”
“Finally GM Corelei showed up again…after already missing many deleted posts, he again PUTS my name in lights, and asserts in big bold letters falsely framing ME. Where was he when the trolls started the threads? What right does he have to assert blame when he did NOTHING to protect me? When I was the one reported these people and ASKED for help thousands upon thousands of times, I was ignored and pushed aside?
HOW DARE HE now come and assert such slanderious LIES about me to the general public when he has failed in your efforts to keep a clean and safe environment. When he disrespects the VICTIM and turns the VICTIM into a false accused.
HIDING all the thousands of archived slanders and vicious attempts to create drama for Elitemaiden.
THIS IS THE TRUTH. GOD KNOWS IT. HE KNOWS IT.”
“I demand a retraction of the unfair and unjust BAN upon my account even if it is AFTER I had already quit the game (me quitting being CAUSED by the unjust SLANDER and TROLLING of Forum Moderator Corelei).
My mage is of no small measure of time invested.
She is highly skilled as you can see on her ARMORY and cause for others to be jealous because they are TOO lazy to fish, level up tailoring, cooking, first aid, etc.”
“I would also like to note that they came from ALL other realms to TROLL me in Drenden as of the latest incident where Corelei has FAILED to note this fact. THEY are the ones who are causing strife within the community and he is empowering them to do so. Therefore it is CLEAR to me that he has targed me for trolling and targeted me for victimizing and he has sabatoged my account and my access to the forums to not only report the trolls but to defend my rights as a paying customer.
I DEMAND his superiors look into this immediately. I demand that the legal department investigate the archives of the forums.
There is nothing there but SLANDER and LIES and VICIOUS GOSSIP.
You need to look at the GROSSLY FAILED purpose of your public forums and archives. They are nothing to be proud of.”
We may have been sitting idle, posting-wise, but we’re always on the lookout for LOLz. Our resident artist has drawn us some emo characters to pretty up the mainpage. Both the emo undead and emo Night Elf show that WoW, truly, is serious business.
On with the show. Drama, like rust, never sleeps.
Just like a Spaghetti Western, there’s the good, bad and ugly of WoW drama.
We’re gonna start with the Good: Elitemaiden, whom we’ve chronicled here before, creates some meta-drama in the comments of our post about her.
“So why are you guys swallowing all this cow dung anyways?
Who is crazy? Is it not this person who’s real life is DESTROYED by wow or an epic mage who you all troll because your lives have no meaning?”
There’s all sorts of other gems in them thar comments, too – two levels of meta-drama, those directly involving Elitemaiden, and those not:
For whit, level 1:
You are nothing but a gutless prick. Seriously what you have said goes beyond reproach.
ANd who the hell are you to decide what should go punished and unpunished. You seriously sicken me with this retoric of yours.
If you read this again, and I hope you do, I hope you think about what you have done. I hope you think about the criomes that you have commited.
You won you reckon? The only thing you won metazare is nothing more than having the distinction of being a blight on society”
“Arkell, blow off. How dare you acuse of bullying people on Hyjal. The only fault that was made was not realizing earlier that you couldn’t hack it with the rest of us. So how bout you get out from behind Elitemaidens piss flaps and be a man by droppin this peddly crap about Meta and how you hate him so much. Grow a sack, fill it with some balls, and move on. I had no issues with you, but when you attack Krieg and everyone in it, well then I take offense to that. P.O.P.”
And level 2:
“That’s really kind of funny considering you ruined Atala’s life flirting with him every day. I think when he found out you were in fact a married adulteress, he finally quit wow.”
-The EM herself, to Desideria
But the best was yet to come…
Hello to all of our new readers. May I point you towards the RSS feed we have down near the bottom of the page there, for all your syndication needs. We haven’t updated in a while as time seems to have gotten away from us, but now you’re a large, whiny, demanding force, just how we like it, and we want to deliver.
We promised a while back to reward the top 2 in our drama competition, and we neglected to put a vote up at the time. Kingfox will be putting one up shortly, and we’ll be awarding the top 2 entries with 60-day gamecards.